貴州雨量充沛,氣候濕潤(rùn),土壤肥沃,竹木蔥蘢。
版主先前翻譯這句話時(shí)沒有吃透中文的意思,腦筋只想著英文句型與對(duì)應(yīng)的英文詞語,壓根沒有把這句話的前因后果想清楚之后才著手翻譯。
版主原先提供客戶的英文譯文如下:
Covered with dense foliage, Guizhou has a humid climate and features abundant rainfall and fertile soil.
這句話結(jié)構(gòu)完整,版主還刻意調(diào)動(dòng)中文語序,把“竹木蔥蘢”的對(duì)應(yīng)英文拿到句子前頭,以分詞構(gòu)句的形式納入句子之中。
這句話看似漂亮,很唬人,老美編輯第一次看到時(shí)還保留原句,直到復(fù)審時(shí)才抓出個(gè)中錯(cuò)誤。
這句英文到底錯(cuò)在哪里?沒有細(xì)想很可能就會(huì)疏忽。版主現(xiàn)在分析如下:
中文原文“雨量充沛,氣候濕潤(rùn),土壤肥沃,竹木蔥蘢”對(duì)應(yīng)完整,前兩句講氣候和雨量,后兩句提土壤與植被,因此要分成這兩大部分來處理,英文譯文要保持這個(gè)邏輯思維和前后語序。
版主記得以前也犯過類似的錯(cuò)誤,在翻譯時(shí)跟原文跟得太緊,以致于譯文不容易讀懂。網(wǎng)友請(qǐng)看下面的翻譯例句:
自古以來,玉在宮廷中占有尊崇的地位,它以自身的興盛、衰落、變化,在華美中沉靜地書寫著歷史、傳承著文明。
(版主譯文)
Jade enjoyed a highly respected status in the loyal palace in ancient times. Its prosperity, downfall, and diversification have written its own historical chapters and passed on civilization in a quiet and gracious manner.
(美籍編輯修訂的譯文)
Jade enjoyed a highly respected status in the royal palace in ancient times. Having experienced prosperity and downfall and diversification over a long time, jades have written up their own historical chapters in a peaceful and gracious manner, passing on civilization.